Tattooed My Brain All The Way

NEW LJ YET AGAIN.

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 18:28:34 GMT

So I began yet another new LJ. The name is nightvictorious. Find me there, mothafuckaaaaaaz.

I am going to combust with excitement.

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 18:50:13 GMT

So, dates haven't been announced yet, but just DAYDREAMING of finally getting to see Stefan in person.....makes me hyperventilate. Not even kidding.

Sarich Worship.

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 18:13:28 GMT

ABerlien (12:55:52 PM): I have a theory that you and your crazy fangirl cohort are going to have some sort of restaining order slapped on you within the next year. I'm not sure who, you're gonna be accused of stalking, but it'll definitely happen.

LoveTheSadChild (12:56:10 PM): That....is definitely likely.

ABerlien (12:57:16 PM): lol

ABerlien (12:57:58 PM): And what exactly is this particular fangirling entailing?

LoveTheSadChild (12:58:23 PM): Erm....well...the Armand guy is a guitarist, too. So that means I'm pretty much doomed to obsession, doesn't it?

ABerlien (12:59:26 PM): Ouch, yeah.

LoveTheSadChild (1:00:11 PM): Yep. I found a picture of him today in costume as Armand making a pensive gorgeous lustful kissy face at a skull, and just about died.

ABerlien (1:02:44 PM): I'm aching to see it.

LoveTheSadChild (1:03:01 PM): Did Steph send you the URL?

ABerlien (1:03:11 PM): Apparently "Fangirls Anonymous" is an "objectionable chatroom name."

ABerlien (1:03:20 PM): Just did.

LoveTheSadChild (1:03:56 PM): Awww. "Hi, I'm Nadia and I'm addicted to...um...everything with two legs and at least minimal guitar talent"?

ABerlien (1:04:40 PM): And then I take a bow.

ABerlien (1:05:30 PM): Argh! The url isn't working!

ABerlien (1:05:33 PM): *dies*

LoveTheSadChild (1:05:41 PM): I know, hold on.

LoveTheSadChild (1:06:32 PM): http://www.drewsarich-page.net/englestatbackstage.html Second picture down.

ABerlien (1:08:46 PM): *swoon*

LoveTheSadChild (1:08:56 PM): Seee?!?!?!?!?!?

ABerlien (1:10:36 PM): Good Christ.

LoveTheSadChild (1:10:47 PM): I. Know.

ABerlien (1:11:01 PM): And you got to meet this man. I hate you.

~

Some4Prestige (1:12:17 PM): Drew Sarich's vocal range is, I find, intimately connected to my central nervous system. In the best way...

~

ABerlien (1:27:17 PM): You know, it's weird, but I actually really like the arch of his nose.

LoveTheSadChild (1:27:24 PM): LMAO

ABerlien (1:27:40 PM): What? It's true! It's nice....

LoveTheSadChild (1:28:49 PM): You're as bad as me and Steph! And you've only been obsessed for like...five minutes.

ABerlien (1:29:20 PM): Lol, it's just something I noticed....

Heeheee!!

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 13:39:49 GMT

HAPPY NATIONAL EMO KID BEATDOWN DAY!!!!

LESTAT fans!

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 14:04:14 GMT

I've made quizzies for you!

How much do YOU love Drew Sarich? Find out here!
http://quizilla.com/users/LoveTheSadChild/quizzes/How%20Much%20Do%20You%20Love%20Drew%20Sarich%3F/

Which era of Daniel Molloy's life are YOU? Find out here!
http://quizilla.com/users/LoveTheSadChild/quizzes/Which%20Daniel%20Molloy%20Are%20You%3F/

Desolation.

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 05:17:53 GMT

Watching the boys at the club in EDGE OF SEVENTEEN reminded me how long it's been since I've been out and about, immersed in bisexual dance frenzies. So I called Gwyn to find out what's happening on a Saturday night for someone under 21. She called Cynthia, who gave me the address of a club downtown. I had gone to work in a hooded tank top, sports bra, bondage pants and sandals that look like gym shoes - butch enough for me to seduce some pretty young thing, I figured, and headed there right after work.

I walked six blocks from the train stop, only to be disappointed by a virtually empty dance floor. The guy at the door informed me it'd be another half hour until things pick up. Uninspired, I left.

I really had hoped to drink in some ambient energy, to dance as I haven't danced since Synergy closed. I wandered back to the train, feeling decidedly dowdy in my work-friendly clothes, especially compared to the lithe beauties in tight black dresses, and the stylish homos giggling into their cell phones. As I walked I mourned the loss of confidence I'd one had, and lamented over the current state of my social life.

Social life. If only it could be called such. When I'm not parked at the computer, the only thing remotely 'social' about my life is sex with my boyfriend, or with someone else whose name I struggle to remember as I dazedly puff a Newport the next morning.

I remember the nights at Synergy all too well - being clad in a black skirt and red sequined bra, dancing myself half to death, watching exes kiss other exes and not caring, grinding playfully against sexy Latinas and E-tripping gay guys, really truly free and enjoying myself. I remember these things, and sit back and wonder what the hell's happened to Me.

Oy.

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 16:04:56 GMT

Florie: So. Apparently Jared Leto's gay.

Me: ....... .......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Florie: -laughs- And he plays guitar.

Me: Of course he does. Of course he fucking does. Because everyone I have a thing for is either gay or plays guitar, or BOTH. The only thing that could make this worse is if he and Stefan started going out.

Florie: Think of it this way, at least Drew Sarich isn't gay.

Me: No, but he's married with children.

Florie: Yes. But. A lot more people cheat on their wives, than switch teams.

Me: ....Touche.....-ponders-

Bored.

Tue, 30 May 2006 08:52:32 GMT

[ L E T ' S B E H O N E S T ]

I AM: drained but aching for more...
I WANT: to be in New Orleans.
I WISH: I was an attractive gay man.
I HATE: sunshine, Fred Durst.
I MISS: Rebecca, One of the Girls, my sanity.
I FEAR: unfulfillment.
I HEAR: my roommate's cell phone making odd noises.
I SEARCH: for the truth.
I REGRET: not talking to Drew Sarich more about his adaptation of Armand.
I LOVE: The Vampire Chronicles, gay guys, Armand.
I ACHE: and I love it.
I ALWAYS: have many infatuations at any given time.
I AM NOT: sane.
I DANCE: badly.
I SING: constantly.
I CRY: for that which I lost, and that which I never had to begin with.
I WIN: mardi gras beads.
I LOSE: my heart too easily.
I CONFUSE: skeptics.
I NEED TO LEARN: the art of patience.
I SHOULD: stop smoking, but that doesn't mean I will.

[ Y E S O R N O , Y O U ]

1. KEEP A DIARY: Yes.
2. HAVE A SECRET JOURNAL: Yes.
3. SET YOUR WATCHES A FEW MINUTES AHEAD: I don't wear a watch, they itch.
4. BITE YOUR FINGERNAILS: Unfortunately.
5. BELIEVE IN LOVE: Love is unconditional and all-encompassing in all of its forms. They're not necessarily sexual, these forms, nor do they have anything to do with relationships. Love is love, overcomplicated in this world, and can be found anywhere without even having to look.

[ D O Y O U ]

1. HAVE A/ANY CRUSH(ES): Yes...
2. THINK YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE: Yes.
3. HAVE ANY TATTOOS: Nine.
4. PIERCINGS: Ears, eyebrow, nose, nipples.
5. THINK YOU ARE A HEALTH FREAK: I live off popcorn, so that's a big No.
6. GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: Just barely.

[ W H E N Y O U S E E T H I S N A M E Y O U T H I N K O F ? ]

RYAN: Dunn.
DOUG: My dad's friend who teaches at the Art Institute.
WILL: power.
JOHN: My Lestat.
ALEX: The kid who I popped pills with and drank the blood of that one day when we had a sub in History.
VICTOR: Ian Somerhalder in Rules Of Attraction.
MEGHAN: Bitch.

[ F A V O R I T E ]

NUMBER: 5.
COLOR: Black.
DAY: Friday.
MONTH: October.
SONG: Right now, "Embrace It" from LESTAT.
FOOD: Popcorn.
SEASON: Fall.
DRINK: Blood.
VEGGIE: Corn.
FRUIT: Pear.
FAST FOOD: Ew...

[ I N T H E L A S T 2 4 H O U R S , H A V E Y O U ]

CRIED?: No.
HELPED SOMEONE?: Yes.
BOUGHT SOMETHING?: No.
GOTTEN SICK?: Yes.
GONE TO THE MOVIES?: No.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER?: Yes.
SAID "I LOVE YOU"?: Yes.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER?: Nope.
TALKED TO AN EX?: Yes, I live with one.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: Constantly.
MISSED SOMEONE?: Yes.
HUGGED SOMEONE?: Yes, my Lestat.
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS?: No.
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND?: No.

[ W O U L D Y O U E V E R ]

1. EAT A BUG?: Yes.
2. BUNGEE JUMP?: HELLS, no.
3. HANG GLIDE?: No!
4. KILL SOMEONE?: Paula Masci.
5. HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU DON'T LOVE?: Been there, done that, got the t-shirt ripped off of me.
7. PARACHUTE FROM A PLANE?: NO.
8. WALK ON HOT COALS?: If I was fucking high as a kite?
9. GO OUT WITH SOMEONE FOR THEIR LOOKS?: Perhaps.
10. FOR THEIR REPUATION?: Maybe. I AM a groupie, after all.
11. BE A VEGETARIAN?: Ew, no.
12. WEAR PLAID WITH STRIPES?: Probably.
13. IM A STRANGER?: Yes.
14. SING KAREOKE?: Hell, yeah!
17. RUN A RED LIGHT?: I don't drive.
18. DYE YOUR HAIR BLUE?: I'm kinda vain about my hair...
19. BE ON SURVIVOR?: Yes, so I can pretend I'm on LOST and call people Boone and Sawyer.
22. MAKE SOMEONE CRY?: I have done. Not necessarily proud of it.
23. KICK A BABY?: NO!!!
24. DATE SOMEONE MORE THAN TEN YEARS OLDER THAN YOU?: Yes.
25. STAY UP ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT?: I'm nocturnal.

[ T H E L A S T P E R S O N W H O ]

1. SLEPT IN YOUR BED BESIDES YOU?: My brother crashed on it last week.
2. SAW YOU CRY?: Roommates.
3. MADE YOU CRY?: Warner Brothers.
4. WENT TO THE MOVIES WITH YOU?: Hmm...Oh! Fletcher at The Libertine.
5. YOU WENT TO DINNER WITH?: Lestat.
6. YOU TALKED ON THE PHONE WITH?: Mom.
7. SAID "I LOVE YOU" TO YOU AND REALLY MEANT IT?: E.
8. MADE YOU LAUGH?: Lestat.

[ W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R ]

1. PIERCE YOUR NOSE OR TONGUE?: Nose.
2. BE SERIOUS OR FUNNY?: Funny.
3. DRINK WHOLE OR SKIM MILK?: Skim.
4. DIE IN A FIRE OR DROWN?: Drown like Ophelia.
5. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR PARENTS OR YOUR ENEMIES?: Keep your friends close........

[ A R E Y O U ]

1. SIMPLE OR COMPLICATED?: Complicated, but who isn't?
2. GAY?: I'm part-time gay.
3. HARDCORE?: Sometimes.

[ D O Y O U P R E F E R ]

1. FLOWERS OR CANDY?: CHOCOLATES!!!
2. GREY OR BLACK?: Black.
3. COLOR OR BLACK & WHITE PHOTOS?: B&W.
4. PINK OR PURPLE?: Purple.
5. SUNRISE OR SUNSET?: Sunset.
8. STAYING UP LATE OR WAKING UP EARLY?: Staying up late.

[A N S W E R T R U T H F U L L Y]

1. DO YOU LIKE ANYONE?: Yes.
2. DO THEY KNOW IT?: -Blush.- Yes...
3. DO THEY LIKE YOU?: YES!

[ D O Y O U P R E F E R ]

1. SUN OR MOON?: Moon.
2. WINTER OR FALL?: Fall.
3. LEFT OR RIGHT?: Left.
4. HAVING TEN ACQUAINTENCES OR TWO BEST FRIENDS?: Two best friends.
5. SUN OR RAIN?: Rain.
6. VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM?: Chocolate.

[ A B O U T Y O U ]

1. WHAT TIME IS IT?: 3:45 AM.
2. NAME?: Nadia.
3. NICKNAME(S)?: Bosie, Bosie-kitty, Claudia, Armand.
4. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: Chicago.
5. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDATE?: March 30, 1987.
6. WHAT SONG DO YOU HAVE STUCK IN YOUR HEAD?: "I Want More" from LESTAT.

[ W H A T D O Y O U W A N T ]

1. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?: New Orleans, LA.
2. HOW MANY KIDS?: A son called Amadeo Nicolas.
3. TO NAME A GIRL?: Gabrielle, Pandora, Constanze, Isis.
4. TO NAME A BOY?: Amadeo, Nicolas, Apollo, Daniel, Louis, Lestat.

[ U N I Q U E ]

1. NERVOUS HABITS?: Um, when I get really excitedly nervous, I kinda hyperventilate.
2. ARE YOU DOULBE JOINTED?: Nope.
3. CAN YOU ROLL YOUR TONGUE?: Nope.
4. CAN YOU RAISE ONE EYEBROW?: I'm not that special.
5. CAN YOU CROSS YOUR EYES?: Not without getting confuzzled.
6. DO YOU MAKE YOUR BED DAILY?: Hell, no. What am I? Amish?
7. WHICH SHOE GOES ON FIRST?: Left.
8. EVER THROWN ONE AT SOMEONE?: Yes.
10. WHAT JEWELRY DO YOU WEAR?: A chain choker with a lock and no key, my Isis necklace, and my ankh ring.
11. DO YOU TWIRL YOUR SPAGHETTI?: Yes.
12. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN SPAM?: Hell, no.
13. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?: Chocolate.
14. HOW MANY KINDS OF CEREAL ARE IN YOUR CABINET?: We're a bunch of college-age kids with ramen and popcorn in our cabinets. Robbie may be stashing Life cereal, I think it is.
15. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BEVERAGE?: You asked that already, dipshit.
16. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT?: Bacci's Pizza.
17. DO YOU COOK?: If it can't go in the microwave, I'm lost.

[ I N T H E L A S T M O N T H , H A V E Y O U ]

1. HAD A BF/GF?: Yes.
2. BOUGHT SOMETHING?: Yes.
4. SANG?: Yes.
5. BEEN KISSED?: Yes.
7. GOTTEN HIGH?: Yes...
8. DANCED CRAZY?: Heheheh, yeah.
9. GOTTEN YOUR HAIR CUT?: Not in years!
10. CRIED?: More often than usual.
11. LIED?: Yes.
12. SNUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE?: No need, I've moved out, woohoooo!

Die Young. Live Forever.

Mon, 29 May 2006 02:46:32 GMT

Colorado.
Minnesota.
Florida.
California.
Chicago.

Our love spans the country.

"I'm actually crying. Like, really hard. I feel like I've lost someone..."

"None of this is fair."
"I can't dispute that..."

"I love your skin, oh, so white
I love your touch, cold as ice
And I love every single tear you cry
I just love the way you're losing your life

Oh, my baby, how beautiful you are
Oh, my darling, completely torn apart
You're gone with the sin, my baby
and beautiful you are
So gone with the sin, my darling..."

LESTAT.
MARCH - MAY 2006.

"I am the Vampire Lestat...and I will live Forever."

Vampire Chronicles MEME!!!

Mon, 29 May 2006 01:47:59 GMT

Fill it out if you're bored enough and post it on your own LJ!

OVERALL

Favorite Male Character:
1)
2)
3)

Favorite Female Character:
1)
2)
3)

Male Character You Identify With and Why:
Female Character You Identify With and Why:

How Many Times Have You Read the Entire Series?

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE
Favorite part:
Lease Favorite part:
Favorite character:
Least Favorite character:
Made you laugh:
Made you cry:
How many times have you read this book:
Rate this book from one to ten:

THE VAMPIRE LESTAT
Favorite part:
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QUEEN OF THE DAMNED
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TALE OF THE BODY THIEF
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MEMNOCH THE DEVIL
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PANDORA
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THE VAMPIRE ARMAND
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MERRICK
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BLOOD AND GOLD
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BLACKWOOD FARM
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BLOOD CANTICLE
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ICON!!!

Sat, 27 May 2006 06:40:38 GMT

I LOVE MY NEW ICON.

Drew is teh coolest.

More from LESTAT.

Fri, 26 May 2006 09:17:04 GMT

Photos of NYC and me with the cast:

http://s18.photobucket.com/albums/b128/BTrouFreelance/LESTAT%20Musical/

The video for "Embrace It"; Lestat and Louis snuggle, it's really too adorable for words. Found it one YouTube and just had to share! :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTMD7v_aLkU&search=LESTAT

LESTAT - My Experience.

Fri, 26 May 2006 03:19:06 GMT

May 23, 2004
5:35 AM
Sitting here at the Greyhound station. I've made a decision: if I can snag a student ticket for cheap for the nighttime show, I am so going to. I can resist everything except temptation, and I'm certain it will be a hell of a temptation. I want to get my absolute fill of Hugh Panaro's sexiness, the tragedy of Nicki, and of Drew Sarich in general. This is a pilgrimage, and I'll be damned if I don't get the most out of it. Until then, though...I shall suffer the 22 hours on the bus. Mon Dieu. It's all worth it, I know this. And I've finished my letter, poems and collage for Drew, and am intent on handing them to him personally. I shall haunt the Palace Theatre as persistently as Goblin haunted Quinn, if I have to. Yes. I may even have money enough for a ticket even if I don't get a student one. Rent isn't due until the end of next month, and Mum gave me an old debit card with @200 on it. We'll see.

6:34 AM
I want Drew Sarich. Ridiculously.

10:11 PM
I love the Greyhound. Honestly, I don't know why everyone has such horror stories about it.
The bad thing is...LESTAT closes on Sunday! Apparently it's not making enough money. That's so depressing. Poor Drew and Hugh and Jim and everyone. They've worked so fucking hard on this! And so many of my friends had planned to go see it later in the summer. Now I'm DEFINITELY going to see both shows. I have to.
About seven and a half hours until we get to NYC. I'm so excited. Can't wait to see LESTAT on the marquee.
I feel so blessed to have worked everything out now to see it. Otherwise I might never have.
Isis, I thank you for bringing Kelsy, my lovely new Louis, into my life. And...sigh. I already miss my Lijah. But it's worth it. I've talked Kelsy into hanging around the Palace all day pre-show to meet everyone. Hurrah! New York City, here I come!

May 24, 2006
6:52 AM
One of the first things I saw after stepping off the bus was a huge ad for LESTAT. I shrieked and nearly hyperventilated. And a really helpful dude named Tony has shown me the stage door so I can easily meet them before the show. I will meet Drew Sarich and be able to say I've lived a full life.
NYC itself is impressive, and Times Square is shocking to the senses. I'm not in love with it, but it ain't bad.
I heartagram Drew. So, so much. And I cannot wait to meet Kelsy. She seems like so much fun.

7:56 AM
So I've found the Imagine Circle. It's strange to make a pilgrimage to a place that doesn't mean to me what it used to. The air is still and the energy most peaceful.
I shall smoke a cigarette for John and George, and for Paul's misfortune of not getting a pre-nup when he stupidly married the Gold-Digger. Paul, you silly old fool.

6:28 PM
I am in a swooning, dazzling, tear-wrenching heaven.
I hung out by the stage door before the show and Kelsy joined me. She's so cute and we had a blast. Allison Fischer showed up first, then Carolee, then Rod. I got their autographs, each on their respective characters' tribute page in my AMADEO book. Then Drew appeared, wearing his oh-so-sexy bowler hat. I died of happiness there. I gave him the collage, the letter and the poems, and HE LET ME WEAR THE HAT FOR A PICTURE!!! And in my Amadeo book, he wrote the words, "May the sad child always haunt you." I sobbed.
Jim Stanek appeared next, and Kelsy gave him a Build-Your-Own Lightsaber kit, which he loved and said he'd better keep away from Rod cause they had a saber fight and Rod got very violent.
Hugh was last, and my goddess, is he gorgeous, inside and out. We soon went in and the show began.
It was the most daunting emotional experience I've had in awhile. The scenes with Nicki made me sob again, for the loss of Rebecca and the fact that she wasn't there to see this.
And Drew...he was nothing short of spectacular. The embodiment of Armand himself, at once Armand and the tarnished Amadeo. I wept every moment that he was onstage. After the performance I approached him, crying still, and he held me like a precious thing and soothed me. He signed my french copy, Armand Le Vampire. He's so darling.
Onto the happiest moments! Either the pants were really tight, or Hugh Panaro has a *massive* cock. And the Armand/Lestat kiss had me hyperventilating again. So many scenes did, really...which is why I bought a ticket for the 8 PM show. THIRD ROW. I'm currently killing time writing and listening to the Phantom of the Opera. Oh, and I bought a poster, bracelet, shirt, pin and program for myself, and bought a bracelet for my Lestat as well. And I wrote Drew another poem, which I'll give him after the night show.
I called Steph just after the show, and Drew happened to be walking by so he said hello; Rod did, as well. I put her on the phone with Hugh and they talked for a few minutes! She's no longer jealously angry at me, hurrah!
All of my Ricean friends are damn near ready to kill me out of jealousy. I know how blessed I am to have been a part of this too-short phenomenon.

May 25, 2006
7:57 AM
I nearly missed my bus last night due to once again lingering at the stage door, but it was worth it. I talked to Drew again, and got video of Stanek thanking Kelsy for the lightsaber. He's so awesome.
Also, at the end of the second show, when Drew came out for his bow, I rose, cheering, waving at him, and I swear he saw me because he gave me the most dazzling yet private smile. I ran up to a new friend I'd made in line, who was sitting in row O, who asked, "Drew saw you just then, didn't he? He was smiling at you!" So I know I didn't imagine it, and was a crying mess again for it. I was so close, in the third row on the right side, that I even heard the soft smack of Drew and Hugh's forceful kiss as their lips separated. I was reeling!
And any part with Nicki made me sob, of course. Rod is brilliant. I kept my eyes almost exclusively on Drew, though, whenever he was onstage; every feline movement, every sadistic smile, every glare. I felt Armand there as I feel him with certain others. It was extraordinary. He so perfectly portrays the dual sides of Armand. God, I could write about this for days! I likely will.
The 'Amadeo' tableau by the Theatre des Vampires was interesting. Heart-wrenching for me, but seemingly ridiculous to most of the rest of the audience. Le sigh.
I sobbed for Armand near the end, when Lestat tells him Marius' comments that Armand was a mistake, a crime against their kind, something he'll regret for eternity. The pain in Armand was palpable, and you could hear it in the anguished cry of "He. LOVED. Me." before throwing Lestat off the rooftop. Magnificent.
And when Armand's talking of his past with Marius: "He took me in off the streets three hundred years ago. I would read him poems as he painted. I posed for him. I was his...muse." You can just feel the agony in his nostalgia! I will never forget Drew Sarich's brilliance. Never.
The bus will bring me home in about twelve hours, and I'm not sure I'm happy about it. I wish I could see every last performance until it closes. It kills me to think of how sad that final curtain call will be for them, and it's not fair. I'm officially boycotting Warner Brothers.
I do kinda want to get home so I can get online and post the pictures and talk to my fair Elijah about everything. I wish he could've been there with me for the second show. And I also have a lot of the songs on the computer in Dee and I's room, so that's something to look forward to. I need badly to hear "After All This Time" and picture Drew, lounging with legs stretched before him, his expression nothing short of vengefully amused. Ohhhh, yes. Drew understood it all so perfectly!!! I love him so much for it. I want to look at the pictures but I'll be totally sad that I'm not still there.
I miss Hugh's dashingly handsome Lestat, as well. He's just too good. And snuggling with Louis during "Embrace It", my GOD. Could the musical have been any gayer? It was absolutely wonderful and refreshing to see them actually stick to the homoerotic tones of the book, for once!
And another point. I don't think until Rod Hill's Nicki, I ever understood the light which indeed shone around the violinist. I never saw the attraction in him, and now I know why Rebecca loved him so much. And when he four times brokenly croaked to Lestat, "Release me," I couldn't breathe, I was crying so hard.
Some people, the average gown-clad theatregoers who knew nothing of the books, were seeing the tragedies of Nicki and Claudia for the first time. But for those of us who knew Nicki's fate from the moment he stepped onstage, every second of watching him was painful, knowing this lovely person was utterly doomed. You knew you'd have to see this loving, naive, laughing, light-filled being come to break, and die. It was a torment to watch, especially twice in one day, but it did warm my heart to be able to picture Nicki in the happier moments with Lestat. "Listen, and be impressed," he said before picking up the violin, and I giggled. His meeting with Lestat in Paris and his needing to keep running out for his cues, was adorable. "Right Before My Eyes" is a new favorite of mine.
I hope that if Nicki ever existed in any form, that he and Rebecca are together in the Afterlife, playing violin, drinking, and finding what they can call Our Conversation.
I have to stop now, lest I begin to cry again.
"May the Sad Child always haunt you." Goddamn him! It's one thing to have Drew Sarich smile at me, but for him to do it in the guise of my cunning cherub...The memory will keep warm my heart that aches too often for the sad child. It gave me chills for which I have no real words. And I cannot stop thinking about it.

Dedicated to my latest infatuation

Sun, 21 May 2006 10:15:54 GMT

A fire burns
Water comes
You cool me down
When I'm cold inside
You are warm and bright
You know you are so good for me
With your child's eyes
You are more than you seem
You see into space
I see in your face
The places you've been
The things you have learned
They sit with you so beautifully

You know there's no need to hide away
You know I tell the truth
We are just the same
I can feel everything you do
Hear everything you say
Even when you're miles away
Coz I am me, the universe and you

Just like stars burning night
Making holes in the night
We are building bridges

You know

When you're on your own
I'll send you a sign
Just so you know
I am me, the universe and you

--KT Tunstall, 'Universe & U'

Moving, infatuation, and nipples.

Thu, 18 May 2006 05:00:10 GMT

New Orleans isn't going to work out, for a few reasons. But I don't care. Robbie, Jay, Dee and I moved into a GORGEOUS loft downtown. Fifth floor, an amazing view, washer and dryer in unit, a FIREPLACE, and two floors to the place. It's so, so, so wonderful. I love it.

And what can I say about the topic of 'infatuation'? Not much, except that I am powerfully infatuated at the moment. I'm always powerfully infatuated by someone or many at any given time, I know, but this one is different. This one's....more intense than the others, more...mutually perceptive. It's lovely. Actually, lovely's an understatement. It's just perfectly what I want right now, to be infatuated.

And I just got my nipples pierced tonight. They still hurt but everyone was right - that first breeze was TOTALLY worth it!

For J.

Sun, 14 May 2006 23:46:39 GMT

DON'T DANCE AWAY - The Seven Lively Sins (lyrics Stephanie N.)

This morning, I couldn't wake you up today
I was too afraid that you'd be mad at me
This evening, I couldn't make you mad tonight
You can't "baby" me out of this mess tonight

And I don't care if you leave me
I don't care if you need me
Just don't, just don't dance away

No, I don't care if you need me
No, I don't care if you see me
Just don't, just don't dance away

Away

Friday night, you danced to the car with me
You told me to stay away from those boys
And I can't remember the things that happened in December
They must have been beaten out of my head

And I don't care if you leave me
I don't care if you need me
Just don't, just don't dance away

No, I don't care if you need me
No, I don't care if you see me
Just don't, just don't dance away

Away...

TWO-TONE - The Seven Lively Sins (lyrics by Me)

He took me by the hand
He led me to another land
He took me, he took me

He dragged me by the hair
He showed me things I'd never dared to see
He dragged me, he dragged me

And I can only find
The strangest ways in which to thank him
I like to say it's fine
And in my dreams start to berate him

He knew me in and out
He knew what I was all about
He knew me, he knew me

He loved me in a special way
He never saw the light of day
He loved me, he loved me

And I can only find
The strangest ways in which to tell him
I wish that he was mine
Then I could always buy and sell him

Love feels just like this
Before it turns to flaming shit
Feels like this, feels like this

He knew just what I meant
Although it isn't what I said
He knew it, he knew it

And I can only find
The strangest ways in which to leave him
I should've kept my mind
I chose instead to believe him

He took me by the hand
He led me into sinking sand
He took me, he took me

He dragged me by the hair
He taught me that I never cared
He dragged me, he dragged me

And I can only find
Superficial ways to forget him
I'd leave the past behind
But something says I won't regret him

He took me, he dragged me, he loved me
He knew me
He took me, he dragged me, he loved me
He knew me

And now he's gone

Sun, 14 May 2006 10:01:17 GMT

If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong,
With chains upon my feet.
You know that ghost is me.
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see.

If I could read your mind, love,
What a tale your thoughts could tell.
Just like a paperback novel,
The kind the drugstores sell.
Then you reached the part where the heartaches come,
The hero would be me.
But heroes often fail,
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just too hard to take!

I'd walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script.
Enter number two:
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me.
But for now, love, let's be real;
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feeling's gone
And I just can't get it back.

If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong.
With chains upon my feet.
But stories always end,
And if you read between the lines,
You'd know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack.
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back!

Sun, 14 May 2006 09:12:08 GMT

80 Random questions I Guaranteed You've Never Answered...

[[Before The Media]]

Do you watch the Gilmore Girls?:
No.

Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson?:
No.

Do you listen to Christian rock?:
No.

Have you ever seen or enjoyed watching the O.C.?:
No.

Do you have one or more Britney Spears C.D.?:
A friend left it here years ago.

Do you regularly watch the news?:
Too depressing.

Which radio stations are your favorites?:
97.1 The Drive.

Are you a Lost fanatic?
Sawyer is my sexy little stable pony.

[[Be honest]]

Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?:
Actually, no.

Queen?:
Yes.

Alanis Morissette?:
Yes.

Do you watch Family Guy regularly?
Hells yes.

The Simpsons?
Yes.

King of the Hill?:
No.

[[Admit it]]

Do you read trashy romance novels often?:
I write it more often than I read it.

Do you really work out every day?:
I walk a lot every single day.

Have you ever eaten chocolate in bed?:
Yes.

Have you ever eaten an entire pint, or more, ice cream by yourself?:
Yes.

Have you ever spent an entire day in bed without being sick?:
Yep!

Have you ever eaten nothing but junk food for a week straight?:
No.

Have you ever gone to school/work only 15 minutes after waking up?:
Yes.

Do you ever forget to give an xmas present & instead keep it for yourself?:
Once.

Do you sing obnoxiously in the car when you're driving alone?
I don't drive. That would be bad.

Do you sing obnoxiously in the shower when no one's home?:
No.

Do you go nights without brushing your teeth?:
Ew, no.

Have you ever watched a little kid's show when you were over 12?:
ARTHUR all the way.

Have you ever looked forward to go to school?:
Only because the journalism teacher was hawt.

[The Necessary Love Questions That Aren't So Necessary]]

Have you ever had an explicit dream involving your crush?:
Yes.

Did it include a broom closet?:
No.

Have you ever pretended your crush was with you when they really werent?:
-Shifty eyes.- Maybe.

Did you draw for your first crush back in elementary school/preschool?:
Yes.

(Girls) Have you ever asked a guy out?:
Yes.

(Guys) Have u ever liked a girl but didn't ask her out because your were scared of being turned down?
Yes.

Have you and a (past or present) significant other ever made an 'Our Song'?:
Yes.

Past and Present.

Have you ever written a poem/story about your love life?
Yes.

An autobiography?:
Little by little.

Have u ever listened 2 a song repeatedly just b/c it reminded u of your crush?:
Yes. -Sigh.-

Have you ever spent over an hour thinking about nothing but your crush?:
Yep, and what's worst, it's usually on the phone with people, so they have no choice but to hink about my crush, as well!!!

Do you reread meaningless AIM conversations just because they were with your crush?:
Ohgodyes. I even email them to people.

Have you ever reconsidered liking someone because of their appearance?:
Yes.

Have you ever liked someone solely for their appearance?:
Yes.

[[The Questions You Love: Completely and Utterly Pointless Ones]]

Do you eat all the servings in the food groups on a daily basis?:
No.

Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?:
Nope.

Have you ever been treated for OCD? ADD?:
Not treated but if I had ADD it wouldn't surprise me.

Do you own a graphing calculator?:
No.

Have you ever been to South America or Africa?:
No.

Have you ever owned a Klutz book or kit?:
Yes.

Do you know how to knit?:
No.

Do you have a cellphone or iPod with a patterened cover?:
No.

Have you ever written song lyrics yourself and put them in your profile?:
Yes.

Do you keep a diary or journal (online or on paper)?:
Yep.

Did you ever want to be an astronaut or a teacher when you were a kid?:
No.

Do you own a striped sweater?:
No.

How often do you take a bubble bath?:
I'm allergic to bubbles.

When you open your closet, what is the dominant color of your clothes?:
Black.

[[Truly Unusual This or That Questions]]

Baskin Robbins or Coldstones?:
Baskin Robbins.

Sees or Godiva?:
Godiva.

The Shins or the Decemberists?:
Neither.

America or Canada?:
Canada.

Physics or chemistry?:
Physics.

Glamorous or au naturale?:
Glamorous.

Earphones or headphones?:
Headphones.

Chocolate brown or teal?:
Teal.

Earrings or a ring?:
Ring.

Commitment or casual dating?:
Casual fucking.

Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings??
Lord of the Rings!!!!!!!

Fly or road trip?:
Road.

Starbucks or Petes?:
Starbuck's.

Athletics or academics?:
Academics.

[[Another Wave of Random Questions]]

Do you know what a geisha is?:
Yes.

What is your favorite Disney movie?:
Pirates of the Caribbean!

Do you have a more classic style or do you stay up-to-date (clothes wise)?:
I'm all over the place.

How much jewelry do you own?:
Too much.

What year do/did you graduate high school in?:
2005.

Have you memorized the rejection hotline, just in case?:
No.

Have you ever given someone the rejection hotline as your number?:
No but that's a good one.

Have you ever eaten at a food court?
Yes.

Have you ever bought clothes at Sears?:
I imagine so?

Do you own any Care Bears memorabilia?:
I ate the CareBears.

Do you have a quilt on your bed?
No.

Le sigh and Le YAY!

Sun, 14 May 2006 09:02:23 GMT

Le sigh - the New Orleans plan is being pushed back at least a few months due to my Lestat's ill health.

Le YAY - MOM IS TAKING ME TO NEW YORK TO SEE LESTAT ON BROADWAY!!!!!!

Le sigh - Hugh Panaro is probably gay.

Le YAY - ...I got nothing. That's actually really sad. Maybe Allison Fischer happens to like girls. Meh, fuck that noise, she's got a funny face.

Le sigh - Jim Stanek will never have his own blog.

Le YAY - He's my hero anyway!

FRUSTRATED.

Sat, 13 May 2006 10:16:01 GMT

Alright. This is a long one. And it's only because I'm up at 4:54 AM that I'm confessing to these petty jealousies.

There is a figure in my life so like Lestat that I've given him the nickname, which he basks in. I don't really know where to begin when it comes to him, but the situation at the moment is bugging me and I need to rant.

Currently, Robbie is in love with him. Robbie is my ex-girlfriend. She is most definitely a Louis figure, as I often feel attracted to for some reason or another. She's self-loathing, an heiress, a former anorexic, and has no self esteem whatsoever. And my Lestat claims to care about her. He's given her hints that someday they will be more than just friends, blah blah blah. Right now he's seeing this guy, and Robbie's totally in denial about it. He and Lestat are obviously fucking around, and she refuses to accept it. She eats up his lies and excuses as if they were candy he gives her. He told her the boy gave him two hickeys but he was asleep during them.

PUH-FUCKING-LEEZE!!!
Who the hell would believe that?

So he's stringing her along, and she is officially 'waiting for him.' And I...just don't know anymore. Lestat and I used to be best friends, and since I got a job and a boyfriend, she's with him all the time. I felt betrayed by this at first, and now she's feeling betrayed because Lestat's got a boytoy. His boytoys come and go somewhat rapidly - I've seen it before. But she's so mad for him and so in denial that every little sideways comment from Lestat's lips just tears her up inside, and I care enough about her to tell her to be wary, but can't bring myself to tell her that I don't ever see it happening with her and Lestat.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he really is into her and he, for some reason or another, is covering that fact up from me. It would change the whole dynamic of our circle, surely. But I don't appreciate that he'd hide something that monumental from me.

That, and he has a stomach disease that is getting worse faster than he expected. My Lestat - my strong, wise, mentor/best friend with the oldest of souls, weakening. Impossible.

And if he does get sicker sooner rather than later, he wants to stay in Chicago. New Orleans hasn't got the best medical scene going on, and although I don't want him to be in a bad way, I wish they'd have all thought this through beforehand, before getting my hopes up such as they have.

Who knows. Maybe it'll all work out, the New Orleans thing. Fletcher is apparently so in love with me that he plans to follow me down a few months later.

But I just don't know.

Part of me's angry at Robbie for setting herself up to get hurt. A much larger part of me is angry at my Lestat for being such a careless, polyamorous dickhead. Then again, I'M a careless, polyamorous dickhead as well - probably why Lestat and I would never work, why we never even imagined such a thing. We're too much alike, he and I.

And yet, because of all my other goings-on, I guess I feel jealous of them all because I'm not quite as close to them as I used to be, and it hurts to think that Lestat may hold anything back from me. And to think, Lestat, Robbie, and Lestat's roommate will be, if it all works out, my roommates in the French Quarter.

A demon, a psychic vampire, and two natural witches, living together.

I might as well just start writing the fucking book now. Well, that, or start planning where the cameras will be stationed around the flat for the Reality TV show.

There. I'm done.

On a more random note, I've decided it will be a goal of mine to make sure I see LESTAT while it's on Broadway. Maybe I'll take my personal Lestat, it'll be a vacation just the two of us, like we had in New Orleans in March. Yes.

I just want to meet Drew Sarich and show him my tattoos. It will be the closest I'll ever have gotten to the illusion of an Armand, I think. That, and Hugh Panaro really is gorgeous.

I need a cigarette. Or a wank. Or a nice long hot bath. Or alcohol. Or chocolate.

Or a wank.

Anything to relax.

By the way...

Sat, 13 May 2006 09:05:34 GMT

Hugh Panaro is officially really yummy in my book.

Officially.

EDIT: WAIT, WAIT, FUCK THAT NOISE.

I'm watching behind the scenes videos and Drew Sarich is where it's at.

Duh.

We all should've seen that one coming, huh?

Awesome.

Sat, 13 May 2006 06:35:41 GMT

I'm making new RP friends left and right and they're constantly giving me more fuel for my Vampire Chronicles obsession, as if I needed that. Kelsy, Elijah, and Elle is amazing as always....

And I'm getting SUCH a boner for Louis nowadays. Mmmmmmmmmm, Louis.

YAY FOR KITTIES.

Fri, 12 May 2006 02:14:24 GMT

I was at the computer and my kitty Lily came over and sat on my lap. I got sleepy so I moved her and used her as a pillow, and we both fell asleep.

Somewhere during the course of our catnap, Lily and Travis settled themselves on me, and when I woke up I was covered in kitties.

I was so happy.

Yum.

Thu, 11 May 2006 20:48:20 GMT

I usually hate facial hair, but YUMMY.

Damn you, Borders!!!

Thu, 11 May 2006 19:53:48 GMT

When I have money, it's inevitable: I can't ignore Borders.

I walk by and it's there, looming tall and telling me, "Come in, come in, I have everything you need! Perhaps I'll finally have an Anne Rice audiobook in here, or even...-whisperes in awe- a European music magazine with a Placebo review."

It had neither, but that fact didn't stop me from buying a new journal, two Montague Summers books, and a book of Scotland scenery photos for Fletcher.

Le sigh.